“Dude, you said you quit smoking?”
The monkey never lied. He only altered perceptions.
“Yes, I did. I quit. For a couple of hours.”
“I am fucking sick of you. What do u want? Someday, you are gonna die”
“And you, queen, shall live forever. Because you quit smoking 6 months back. Chill.”
The monkey took up smoking in the year 2002, out of his whim to , well, smoke. Ironically, he had a few joints in 2001, but he never took nicotine. 2002, he just decided he wanted to smoke, bought a pack of Wills Navy Cut, the premium brand for poor people in India, and finished a pack in a day.
What exactly happened? A college senior made him fill a questionnaire. The questionnaire was mostly as follows:
1. Do you value your life? Monkey’s Answer (MA) : No.
2. Do you think smoking kills? MA: Yes
3. Do you think smokers get laid more often than non smokers? MA : No
4. Would you want to miss out on anything in life? MA:No
5. If you decide on doing something, do you consider if its socially acceptable? MA:No
6. Do you play soccer at the college level? MA: No
7. Do you consume alcohol? MA:Yes
8. Do you have a girlfriend? MA: No
9. In one line, give a reason why you dont smoke? MA: Cos its bad for health.
For someone who didnt “value” his life, not smoking cos of health wasnt the reason.
What started as a symbol of rebellion against a to-be-enacted law against public smoking soon turned into an unforgivable habit. A sheer addiction. The monkey experimented with anything he could lay his hands on, but he never got addicted. With cigarettes, it was different.
Its 2008, and a lot has changed. The monkey values his life now, inspite of how painful it is. The nihilism is a stupid history. The age of experimentation is over.
Its time to begin a fresh life. Wipe the slate clean. 2009 is the year of the Monkey. Not in Chinese astro.
The monkey’s year end resolution is to “straighten out his life”.
The gods have been heard. Change is the vehicle, the only truth.
May the force be with the Monkey!
“Quit smoking you must, or die (early) you will” – Jedi Master Yoda
“Smoke whatever the fuck you can, you will die early anyway”- Prof. Cynic Monkey Jr., University of Ximians.