“So you think I am your dad, eh?”
“He is so right and so wrong at the same moment. Always a bundle of contradictions.”
These things are weird. Where the fuck do they speak from? They dont seem to have any oral opening. In fact they dont have ANY opening. I think I am still lying on the floor and dreaming.
“No you arent, kid. We dont have to speak, we just have to think. What you primitives call telepathy is basically our means of communication, which one of our extra enthusiastic engineers tried to plant in your stupid system. You morons are so degenerate that you didnt realise that THAT was the means of comm. we devised for you, not that stupid vocal box, which was a prank the same engineer played by fitting in monkey parts in you. The monkeys, by the way, were a failed experiment.”
What the fuck? And I thought the monkeys were ancestors and shit.
“In a way, yes. We learnt a few things from that mistake, and fixed them all and created you.”
He fucking hears everything I say.
“Yes, he does. And I do, too. Its funny to see you nitwits spending so much time on languages when all you had to do was to think. What a waste of resources.”
He must be my project manager. No one else I know talks in terms of resources.
“Your lack of intelligence is pitiable. Sigh.”
Its funny how I know which one of these things is speaking. I wonder how they see.
“Its beyond your understanding, kid. Way beyond.”
“Listen, kid. And dont barge in. We are the mitosians. Everything you see, we created it. As you can see, we look much like your class 10th biology cells. Those are our compressed, minimally functional images. We are natives of a place called Mitosia. You can think of it as a planet in your terminology, though thinking in terms of planets and distances prohibits commutation between places. Now, our place was getting a bit too crowded, so we came upon earth as a suitable place. We live on oxygen, too, you see.
But earth, as you see, is a rather sad and insect infested place. We liked the place, but we wanted to get rid of the inhabitants. So we created you, the humans.”
What the fuck have I to do with this shit?
“Shut up, you imbecile. We created you to clean up the planet. We created monkeys before you, but they proved far too stupid, stupider even than you. Everything is on track, we helped you create nukes and bombs and swords and stuff, one of us oversaw your progress as the Phraoh for a while, then he got bored , and while we educated you to kill and destroy each other as well once you clear the planet of the other stupid animals, we monitored your progress with great interest.”
These morons dont know shit about ecology.
“You barge in again and I will paralyse the left half of your brain with my Mito-Chon-Drill-Ray. That would hurt. The fact is, you dont know shit about ecology. Once you are off the place, we will deal with it. Lets talk about expectations we had from you. Pretty much everything is clear, but we needed one degenerate who despises the earth enough to be willing to clear off everything that exists. From our calculations, that degenerate is you. We have been watching you closely. You shouldnt jerk off so much btw, it reduces your chances of real copulation. Anyway, we watched and monitored your progress, we made your life shittier than it should have been to ensure complete hatred. What we didnt expect was you being so fucking lazy to ignore all thats happened to you. You have disappointed us, and to create another one like you would take another 20 days. We dont have so much time.”
Either days means something I dont understand, or he means 20 million years.
“Its close to 200 million years. We planted you here before we planted the dinosaurs.”
All hell to Darwin. 200 million years, and humans have evolved to other humans. Sigh.
“Darwin was our guy. He came here to monitor you and made some jokes”
“So was Einstein. He started loving humans so much he didnt assist Hitler. Else we could have been here a few seconds earlier. Hitler, by the way, was the guy from the second line we hoped would clear all of it.”
To be continued